Thursday, September 08, 2005

Satan To Distance Self From Congressional Democrats In Rare Prime Time Speech

Existential engineer of the Holocaust and Inquisitions says leadership "making him look bad" in Post-Katrina power grab


Washington--The very being that invented demagoguery is speaking out. And it's not in support of the DNC.

"I want to be clear," says Satan, Prince of the Power of the Air. "I mean I like bad things. But there comes a point when one has to say 'I'm want no part in this,' and come out from among them. They're going to take perfectly tangible evil and blow it up and I'm not going to stand and play my proverbial fiddle while Rome . . . um, falls apart."

Satan specifically cites the immediate and turbulent race baiting in the wake of hurricane Katrina.

"My approach would have been to just perpetuate the hopeless nature of it all," he says. "More images of desolation, more subtle implications of 'is this what your loving God wants?' Etc. etc. But no, between Randall Robinson, Harry Reid, Jesse Jackson, and my apprentice, Hillary, they've practically driven the people into the church house to pray that none of these people come to power."

Satan says that while earlier endeavors like the Holocaust (left) were horrible, nothing could prepare him for the nightmarish, reputation-shattering associations with Congressional Democrats, such as House Minority Leader, Nanci Pelosi (right), who continues to make broad, irresponsible statements about President Bush.

Satan is slated to address Congressional Democrats sometime next week, and is expected to address the body in a three fold fashion:

  • Demagoguery With Restraint,
  • Why It's Good When The Unborn Get Salinated
  • Why Howard Dean Makes Me Look Like My Pre-Isaiah 14 Self.

Sources say Satan has drawn a "yawning chasm" between the subtleties and gradual societal accelerants that led to the eventual Jewish Holocaust, as well as the Inquisition, noting that he did "not have Hitler run right out there with a pair of pliers and a pile of Semitic dental records."

"This Dean character knows nothing about subtlety," says Satan. "If that's all I'd have had to work with in the 1940's my holocaust would have ended with the Goldberg’s beating him to death with that overloaded doctor bag of his."

Satan also noted that Sen. Clinton "appears a bit too eager" to launch the investigative process.

"Hil's got a bit of an edge," he says. "I keep telling her to not talk. That voice makes me think I'm in hell. Go figure."

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