Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Bob Denver To Be Buried At Sea, Wash Up In Aruba, Disappear Completely

Denver: To be poshumously
marooned, and rendered subsequently

Los Angeles--Sources closest to Gilligan's Island star, Bob Denver, indicate that the 70-year old star's body will undergo "plethoric" celebratory and ceremonial maritime hazings, before ultimately coming to rest "somewhere."

"Initially, we assume that some kind of contemporary cohort will be involved," said one source close to the star, who died of cancer last week. "This will involve skipper-esque apparel--that which mimics Bob's late co-star, Alan Hale Jr."

Sources say the chosen individual will "tersely flog" Denver's reposed body in state with a "cap commensurate with the wardrobe of show."

All anonymous sources point to a maritime burial, at which time, recalculated currents, tides and trade winds are to drive Denver's body ashore at the island of Aruba "Sometime in December."

"We don't expect anyone to know where he is after that," said one insider. "We just hope the integral aspects of this solemn occasion are not violated by those forthcoming Arubans."

Related (sort of): Aruba Tops Rand McNally’s “50 Most Cooperative Places To Kill Americans.”

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