Monday, September 26, 2005

Bush To Nominate Jane Roe's Baby To High Court

35 year old-expected to take substantial grilling on abortion views, say analysts

Jane Roe's now 35-year-old daughter is expected to pass the "pro abortion" litmus test before key democratic senators will vote for her. Roe is pictured here in her first trimester, when her mother attempted to obtain the right to terminate her.

Washington--As the Senate debates the presumed confirmation of Judge John Roberts to Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court, President Bush said he was "set to nominate" the as-yet unnamed female—still known as "Jane Roe's baby"— to fill the position being vacated by Justice Sandra Day O'Connor.

Roe, 35, is the youngest presumptive nominee in US history, said the path to such a moment “has been fraught with obstacles.”

“I remember telling my mother, that I’d wish I’d never been born,” said Roe. “All she’d do is internalize it and say ‘you and me both.’”

Roe is expected to face heated opposition from Senate democrats, who feel that Roe’s proximity to the landmark, 1974 Roe Vs. Wade decision legalizing abortion on demand may “taint” the way Roe may look at any future legal challenges to the ruling.

“I intend to oppose this nomination at the outset,” said California senator Barbara Boxer. “But I do intend to ask important questions. Primarily, does Ms. Roe intend to recuse herself from any and all cases that threaten a woman’s right to do what her mother wanted to do to her? This is tantamount to keeping this country safe.”

Senator Harry Reid cautioned senate members from making hasty public pronouncements before the initial hearings, but that he wishes Roe. Vs. Wade “would have been ruled on in 1972.”

“I’m voting against that meiotic meteorite,” said Reid. I’m not having my rights as a defendant eroded and mauled by what is arguably the Democratic Party’s first hanging chad.”

Roe said she takes the comments in stride.

“Look, I’ve had 35 really, really, awkward birthdays,” she said. “I can deal with the guy from American Gothic trying to pitchfork my nomination. I’ve had The National Organization for Women trying to pitchfork me from the beginning.”

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