Thursday, September 22, 2005

Hurricane Cindy Downgraded To Topical Depression

Many watched in horror as a presumably cataclysmic Hurricane Cindy arrived at the banks of the Potomac. Experts looking at the veritably undetectable effect on policy have downgraded her to a "topical depression."

Washington--Floundering in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and now an impending Rita, Hurricane Cindy was downgraded by authorities to a "topical depression" yesterday, as her tempestuous arrival at the WhiteHouse caused no evacuations.

Originally deemed a category 5 media surge, hurricane Cindy began to lose momentum somewhere between her origin in Crawford, Texas and her multi-state trajectory that culminated with a ground-zero hit on 1600 Pennsylvania avenue, according to experts.

Those most closely affected by the hurricane had hoped that Cindy's arrival "may elicit evacuations” of the residence by its primary occupants, President George W. Bush, and his wife, Laura. Such was not the case, as Mr. Bush was touring the Gulf region, and was not available for what many now call a "pathetic academic exercise."

"The primary reason for the downgrade was her inability to gain momentum, despite the enormous blue-state warm water she encountered," said Dr. Will Backfire, expert in political climatology. "This is clearly nothing more than a cold front enveloping a lot of hot air. Something this topically depressing cries out for reevaluation."

As Cindy's full force met the banks of the Potomac this afternoon, many were heard to exclaim, "what is that over there, a sunburned Martina Navratolova?" and little else.

"This is what we mean, " said Backfire. "Sad. We haven't seen anything this weak since Hurricane Rosie."

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