Friday, September 23, 2005

Hey Media, You Tell Us Where The Hurricane's Going To Hit

Today, Good Morning America's Jake Tapper went to Blacksville Virginia, strapped himself into a wind tunnel, and illustrated to us ignoramii something we didn't know--that 100 MPH-plus winds can "blow things around and kill people."

In video sequence meant to convince us that Mr. Tapper was subjected to a NASA-quality regimen, Mr. Tapper held his microphone, faced the wind, and told the viewing audience that the 111 MPH winds made it feel like his "skin was coming off his skull."

Well, Jake, thank you. Thank you for trivializing a category 5 into whether or not you're going to have to apply your Ponds cold cream to your detached visage. Let Mr. Therapist make a unique statement about a category 5 hurricane:

Having an entire house rolling toward you makes one really not care about your brave foray into a controlled, bungee-buffered environment.

The media is having a self-congratulatory field day, with their flawless reporting on what could happen—what Hurricane Rita could do:

  • It could destroy Houston
  • It could destroy Lake Charles
  • It could destroy the oil industry
  • It could bring gas to $5.00 a gallon
  • It could cause a second levee breach in New Orleans

That’s a lot of “it coulds” for a group of people that expected 20/20 clairvoyance from President Bush and allows for retroactive cataracts from Mayor Nagin.

Thank you.

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