Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Liberals Now Supporting Trading Blood For Oil

Tofu-based fuel failing to start Volkswagens

Washington--As gas prices reached near-stratospheric levels in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, many erstwhile liberals are stating their support for going to war for cheaper oil.

"Strike up the seventh fleet, I can't start my Fahrvergnugen!" said one astonished liberal. "If the truckers have to take this on their economic chin, I'm going to have to pay through the nose for my Birkenstocks and hemp fanny-packs. And that sucks."

When asked how the request to confiscate middle-eastern oil jibes with the accusations that President Bush was already trying confiscate Iraq’s vast oil resources, many liberals just genuflect.

"This is not the time to parse rhetorical technicalities," said one. "It's time for action. I don't care of he has to alloy Spotted Owl beaks with titanium to get the oil out of the ground, I want my gas!"

Analysts have also noted that utopian, tofu-based fuel has "failed the crisis test."

"You can make it taste like beef, but you can't make it act like fossil fuels," said one.

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