Sunday, August 14, 2005

Hamas To Relocate Headquarters Closer To Jerusalem In Historic Gaza Handover

Palestinians forced to discover irrigation, flushing toilets for selves as Jews set region ablaze

Gaza--As Israel ends its 38-year occupation of the Gaza strip, the Terrorist organization known as Hamas announced today, it will be relocating its headquarters as well, to "be closer to Jerusalem."

"We are ecstatic that we can bring the burning hell that is our holy war to the dirty ones," said one representative for the organization. "The move provides the logistical support needed for peace, which can only be achieved by killing all the Jews."

Meanwhile, many observers note that the Palestinians deft abilities with detonators and child psychology will not be able to effective translate those skills into a workable economy for some time. many exiting Jews have been observed burning salient technologies upon leaving the area under duress.

"While one stands amazed at the sheer skill involved in cajoling 9 year-old boys into vaporizing themselves in a Jewish cafe, one is hard-pressed to figure out how these people will discover hydroponics, irrigation, and general hygienic plumbing techniques before they all die of starvation," said one cultural observer. "But one thing is for sure, if things don't go so smoothly at first, there are plenty of men willing to make midnight hikes to the Golan Heights and slit the throats of infants. That tends to solve a lot of things."

Hamas said it has skeletal plans for a grand opening, but that the "when and the where" will be determined "swiftly, and without mercy, at a time of our choosing."

Related: Israel To Relinquish Three-City Stranglehold On Middle East

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