Sunday, August 07, 2005

Roberts Should Store Contested Papers In Sandy Berger's Pants

By Dick Morris
Guest Columnist

First of all, I am amazed that Sean Hannity even bothers asking my opinion anymore. I am a fair weather prognosticator, but I will say that my prognostications are teetering on 100 percent:
  1. A Muslim cleric will use colorful language to threaten Americans
  2. Rain will ensue where a Ferris wheel is erected
  3. Elton John will throw a maudlin hissy fit at a histrionic blonde with better hair
  4. Hillary will have scars surgically installed on her hands and side
  5. ABC will use late night comedian clips to criticize President Bush.

Now, I realize that anybody can make these predictions. But not everyone can do it while sporting a John Gotti/Metrosexual aura while betting on the winning horse after the photo finish. That's where talent crosses the Rubicon of plethoricism.

But I still intend to wax on the triangulations planned by Senate democrats with respect to Judge John G. Roberts. They’re going to call for papers they know the White House will refuse to produce, then get the press on board with terms like “stonewalling” and “this raises more questions than answers,” and get Terry Moran flopping that oblong cranium of his back and forth in condescending assent. Nest thing you know, they’ve got the shadowy news icon, complete with a chronological “day count” tally on the nominative crisis right behind the news anchor. This can be avoided.

My answer is simple. Just take any relevant papers and give them to Sandy Berger to stick down his pants. Nobody’s going to look there, primarily because stolen National Archival originals mean nothing to the Senate. Secondarily, no one wants to try to shoehorn an investigative spotlight into Sandy Berger’s pants.

Watch and see if they don’t do it. I know these people like the back of my head.

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