If I Didn't Have Osteoperosis, I'd Kick Bush's Butt
By Mick Jagger
Guest Columnist
It is not a part of my normal character to comment on elections in a country in which I don't vote. But today, I'm feeling a bit of youthful angst--most likely stemming from a heart rate increase from manually operating Keith Richards' stomach pump this morning. I wish he'd lay off the ludes. I had David Gilmour over here trying to revive him, too, and the band can't afford to lose that arthritic simian in the middle of our 400th tour.
But now, the election is over. Time for me to peel forth with the wisdom that can only come from someone who witnessed Eric Clapton painting his toenails before our first date.
See, just because I can afford a lifetime supply of super-absorbent incontinence briefs does not mean that I am out of touch with the rest of my generation. let me drop a CitriCal hit and have a little talk with you.
I've been supping with the same, timeless muse who brought you "The Harlem Shuffle," and I'm telling you. He doesn't like Bush either. That's why he gave me the song, "How Come You're So Wrong, My Sweet Neo-Con?" Oh yeah, I know. It's catchy, even in clinical discussion.
If anybody has the poetic license to swipe at ascendant black women, I do. Now that I'm 84, I believe that my credibility index should rise right along with my senior discounts. Musical umbrage with African American women is my specialty.
I am angered that George Bush was elected. Freddy Mercury would be alive today if the American voting populace had had the political foresight to elect John Kerry.
And I'm not going to let him forget it. Bush thinks going after terrorists is patriotic? I can't even count on my denture water to be free of impurities, and he wants to take down Al Qeida? What kind of nut is he? Even I know how to deal with unprovoked attacks of terrorism in crowded places.
Just ask the Hell's Angels. They'll tell you how 'ol Mick's gonna lay the heat.
posted by Doofus @ 11:27 AM
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