Sunday, June 26, 2005

Email Scams Make Me All Goofy And Stuff

I, Mr. Therapist have received a bit of correspondence to which the greatest familiarity should be invoked:


I got your contact in course of my inquiry for the family tree......of my decease client who die some years back and is no one to claim his fund here in Benin republic west Africa as he failed to provide correct information when he made this deposit, I seek your help to claim the fund into your Account as you share same names with him .the reason for this is to inherit a Contracts Payment Deposits of which the Deceased left in a Finance Firm.

This request emerged last week when the Finance Firm contacted me as the Attention of my Deceased Client (perhaps for one reason or the other they have tried to contact him and was unsuccessful). However,thereupon I announced his death and protocols observed I was mandated (as the deceased's Attorney) to provide the Next of Kin to inherit the Deposits or hey will freeze "Unclaimed deposit". The deal here is that the money will be approved and remitted to you as the relation to the decease provided I will give you correct information to the deposit, I have such needed information and will hand it over to you as soonas we commence the ransaction before it declared unserviceable.

If the contents dose not meet with your personal and business ethics I apologise in advance, be assured that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect us from any breach of the law, So if your serious and capable to undertake this offer kindly contact me now on my email with your current address telephone and fax to enable me clarify you more about this deal and the total amount involved as well give you tex application so that you will send it direct to the Finance Firmfor the approval and transfer to your position .Be warned not to reveal this deal to any third party to avoid jeopardize this transaction and my position.

Expecting your soonest response.

Yours faithfully,

Barrister. John Egobiah Esq

This is obviously a double-helixed relative of the famous "Nigerian Bank Scam." I love this scam, and the saucer-eyed sincereity galvanized in the heart of these emails.

Not wanting to disappoint the man, I responded with all speed:

Dear Barrister John,

I am sincerely interested in helping. One logistical problem I have right now is a situation that has arisen with my Grandfather. He was in employ at the Louvre, in France when he was murdered at gunpoint, at which time he left me a cryptic, hidden message on the floor in luminous paint.

I am obligated to give Interpol the deciphered, anagrammatically calibrated solution to the phrases, "O Draconian Devil, Oh Lame Saint."

These codes supposedly will lead me to a lucrative end, but I am at a loss to explain why my grandfather was found laying face up in a pentacle, with veiled references to DaVinci's "Vetruvian Man."

I have the compensatory money you seek, assuming I can mail it all in pennies.

Please let me know. Secrecy is a premium with me, too.

Dr. Thera Pist. PHD

To be updated as correspondence mandates it. . .

The Therapist

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