Sunday, April 03, 2005

Overly Cautious FOX Just Now Reporting Pope’s Death

Not taking any chances: FOX executives say
that they are on the verge of "post autopsy reporting"
in the wake of their story that put a still living Pope
off the mortal coil.

New York—Stung by premature reports of Pope John Paul’s death, FOX News has waited over 24 hours before confirming that the Pontiff had died a day earlier.

“In keeping with the fair and balanced doctrine to which we defer, “ said a FOX News Spokesperson, “We are here to balance by an equal increment of time that which was reported in err.”

FOX’s erroneous report was picked up by both Matt Drudge, as well as Michelle Malkin, but was quickly amended when the Pope called them to dispute “Certain elements” of the story.

The network waited until the Holy Father was interred before reporting a “reasonably solid story.”

“This situation just points up the pitfalls so rampant in the information age,” said one media analyst. “It will not be long before a 24-hour window becomes mandatory policy, regardless of the calamitous nature of the story. This could be bad, because the viewing public may not see any network reporting of an imminent, continental invasion until they take a North Korean bayonet through the temple.”

The analyst also said that even live, televised assassinations of world leaders are likely to go the way of tape delay, complete with corporate sponsors, and that all “Live-Bloggers” would be legally constrained by the vagaries of a 56k modem connection.

“Something has got to slow down the information train,” said one analyst. “There are some that would argue a September 12th dateline would have been a far more prudent journalistic handling of 9/11. They just have to jump the gun.”

FOX said they are ready to go live with an exclusive late report about the attack on Pearl Harbor, the Holocaust, and the unexpected demise of an “unsinkable” ocean liner in the North Atlantic.

“Nobody’s got a handle on the late scoop like us,” they said.

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