Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Dyslexic's Would-Be Shooting Rampage Foiled By Preamature Suicide

Lack of carnage exemplifies the lonely life of disorder, say docs

Dyslexia put an early-end to an otherwise
successfully-executed massacre/suicide. One
transposed action proved disastrous for this man.

Anytown, USA--A horrified community is in shock, as a deranged, dyslexic individual with a handgun, killed only himself, in what authorities deem an "intended mortal rampage."

"Just when you think you've seen the absolute bottom of the human condition, it comes to this," said a local deputy. "What kind of sick alignment of the planets must be in effect to limit this rampage to the solitary individual? Your guess is as good as mine."

30 year old Knarf Samoht, an electronic engineer, was reportedly upset about his recent dismissal from employment, after it was discovered that he had wired an entire skyscraper in reverse polarity. Samoht is reported to have stated he would “take out many”, but had his plot truncated by a sudden, dyslexic seizure that, as experts say, “initiated a premature suicide through involuntary transpositional cognition.”

Experts say Dyslexic criminal behavior is not uncommon, but rarely sees news ink unless it involves the shocking non-death of many people, when in a perfect world, there would be much more carnage.

“The awareness of Dyslexic criminality is woefully incomplete,” said one expert. “Everyday, those who operate beneath the legal radar are encumbered by this little-understood disorder, which can manifest itself in things as trivial as reverse-burglaries, or the traumatic and embarrassing rape of ones self.”

Experts also indicate that dyslexic self-molestation is not only common, but underreported.

“They’re afraid of the stigma,” said one recovering assailant. “The depression levels with regard to self-violation are uncharted. And this depression can lead to the suicide of those around them."

Sources say that Samoht was suffering from "bigger things."

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