Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Volcker Report: Kofi Annan "Just Plain Stupid"

"Disoriented Negro”defense could set race back 300 years

Complete Dimwit:
Annan's adoption of the stereotypical wine-addled,
jaundiced black man defense may have exonerated him,
but was it worth it? Annan then blamed his
comparatively coherent son, Kojo

New York
--Citing a "lack of evidence" resulting in a backhanded exoneration, The United Nations' exhaustive Volcker Report ended it's investigation with a summation that said "Kofi aint seen nothin no way," and that had he seen any wrongdoing, it would have been of no consequence because the Secretary General is a “complete and utter moron; a sterepotypical cement head, if I've ever seen it.”

Paul Volcker was the chief investigator into corruption charges leveled at Annan, as well as many others, in the United Nations’ “Oil For Food” scandal.

Experts fear that, while the "uneducated Negro" defense works fairly well in excusing appalling behavior in the short term, a high-profile report such as this one could reverse every single gain ever made by the African American community since the adoption of the 13th Amendment to the Constitution.

“It took over 200 years before Rodney King would be referred to as a “Black motorist,” said one member of the NAACP. “And now we fear that this report could have Mr. King standing at the foot of ‘deranged Hyundai driver on inordinate amounts of taser-resistant angel dust’ once again as well.”

Volcker claims he is merely doing his job, and that his report is clinical and devoid of bias. The report basically contends that UN Secretary general, Kofi Annan, had no idea of any corruption, particularly the moments when his pockets became distended and oblong from piles of cash.

“These situations place the astute observer into an either/or conundrum,” said Volcker. Either Mr. Annan is a greedy, Jew-baiting scoundrel who lines his own pockets, or he is the quintessential empty can. This observer believes in the complete and irretrievable vacuum residing in the cranium of the UN Secretary General.”

The primary basis for the exoneration is a latent acceptance by all parties--including major media outlets--that Mr. Annan, who is black, is just plain stupid.

"This may actually be true,” said on source. "Because this would also go a long way to explaining why Kofi went to the Sudan and “didn’t see no genocide,” as well as his inability to recognize anti-Semitism—especially the kinds that results in the wholesale slaughter of Jews in the middle east. Sometimes, he even forgets to put pants on when he comes to work.”

“He just doesn’t process evil,” said a close friend. “It’s like those yellow eyeballs of his are evil-proofed.”

Experts contend that Mr. Annan had to sign on to this defense in order to free himself from a possible No confidence vote by the United Nations. In a speech today Kofi Annan said, “I possess not the cognitive mechanisms with which to recognize corruption, and therefore, my genetic incapacity to recognize the wholesale, illegal funneling of hundreds of millions of dollars in the Oil For Food program into my own pocket renders me innocent by proxy. My son, however, is guilty as charged.”

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