Thursday, April 14, 2005

Speck Of Carbon Steps Forward To Challenge Speck Of Zircon’s Age Claims

Says claimant only 3.2 billion years old

Speck of Zircon (left) is the subject of a direct credibility
attack in the wake of new claims by Speck of Carbon (right)
Scientists do not expect this controversy to go away for quite
some time

Madison, Wis.—Billed as “Earth’s oldest thing ever,” complete with festivals, rock bands and lectures commemorating its discovery, a renowned speck of 4.4 billion year old Zircon is having its credibility challenged.

A 3.8 billion year old speck of Carbon has decided it was time to speak out, when, as it says, “Zircon’s claims just became too much to take.”

“Listen, I’ve known that speck longer than anyone here,” said the carbon speck. “And I have just stepped forward, not to impugn, or cast aspersions, but to just say that the Zircon speck has inflated his age by at least 1.2 billion years.”

Zircon claims that Carbon is just suffering from sour grapes.

“Look this is a classic case of chronological envy,” he said. “It not good enough that he’s had an entire—albeit dubiously relied upon—dating system. No, he has to come after me and my fanfare as well.”

The speck of Zircon was originally unearthed in Australia in 1984, and has inspired musical scores as well as literary speculation as to what 4.4 billion years might “sound like.”

Critics of carbon say that if Zircon’s chronological assertions are as dubious as it claims, that Carbon should have stepped up to the plate and said something 21 years ago—when Zircon first entered the collective consciousness of science.

Carbon maintains that its critics are merely capitulating to the inherent, scientific desire to “shoot the messenger speck.”

“Just blaming the victim will not make this travesty go away,” it said.

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