Sunday, March 27, 2005

ABC To Air Pilot, Greer Eye For The Alzheimer's Guy

Judges luxuriate as incoherent patients flounder at rejected appeals

New York--Reality television was kicked up a notch today, as ABC television executives announced a new reality-based series that pit the wits of disoriented patients addled by a debilitating Alzheimer’s condition against the political predilections of federal judges.

"We're using Greer Eye for the Alzheimer’s Guy as a working template," said one executive. "But we're considering Curious George and the Hospice Backup Generator. We're not yet entirely resigned to either at this point."

Series title notwithstanding, the network intends to cash in on the recent hullabaloo spurred by the legal ranglings between Michael Schiavo, husband of Terri Schiavo, and the parents of the woman whose story has captivated the country in recent weeks.

"It's really simple, " said one network insider. "What we have is an incredible legal precedent that automatically opens the door for what we're doing. If Terri Schiavo, who can feel, hear, and even speak to some degree can be dispatched by those closest to her, than we know there are millions of embittered fifty-something’s out there who've seen their silver boomer years evaporated in the caring of a senile parent. This is a win-win for the Winnebago."

Essentially, the protagonist of the show will be Pinellas County Circuit judge, George Greer, who will merely continue to rule against the protestations of those inclined to manually feed a relative besieged with either Alzheimer’s, Parkinson's Disease, or Amiotrophic Lateral Sclerosis--otherwise known as Lou Gherig's Disease.

In most cases, the family will become too fatigued emotionally, or too encumbered financially, to circumvent judicial mandates, but there will be a few. Some say, a screen-tested episode with Michael J. Fox shows the actor gaining judicial favor from Greer himself, possibly because he favors abortion as a cottage industry for stem-cell harvestation.

No air date has been announced as of yet.

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