Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Forecasters Give Jehovah 7 to 1 Odds Over Allah In Gaza Standoff

Jerusalem--As the games begin over a kidnapped Israeli soldier on the Gaza strip, bookmakers around the world are hard at work laying the foundations for a lucrative return in the wake of any major military upset.

"Allah's team comes in relatively weak this time around," said one analyst. "Lack of conditioning, not to mention the much ballyhooed self-implosion techniques utilized by the martyrs, while pyrotechnically fascinating, ultimately weaken the team effort."

Jehovah on the other hand, stands to carry the day, ruling out any unforeseen dust storms that might engulf the Israeli army--many times attributed to Allah. Allah's goal protection skills have been in question in recent months with the deadly Iranian and Indonesian earthquakes plaguing the regions--both easily stoppable by the standards assigned to regional deities.

"This is just a much stronger game for Jehovah," said the analyst. "Couple that with home field advantage, and the known weakness of the Islamic pirates' proclivity to hire prostitutes before a major Jihad, and you've got Jehovah carrying the momentum with a ten-point spread to boot. We may even see an unprecedented shutout by the Israeli team."

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