Friday, March 10, 2006

Iranian President Threatens US With "Swelling And Redness"

Claims discomfort and pensiveness "ready to strike at heart of devil"

Washington--Building upon his previous threats to bring "harm and pain," to the United States, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he was "ready to unleash" the "frequent swelling and redness you lionize in your western television commercials."

"Not only will I bring the whirlwinds of frequent irregularity discomfort," he said in a speech in Tehran yesterday, "but you will run to your marketplaces to seek long-lasting relief for up to twelve hours, and will find none, as Allah will destroy your Rx aisles."

Ahmadinejad is frequently mentioned as a "primary person of interest" in the Washing ton security circles.

"This is a critical and troubling upping of the collective ante by Tehran, " said ABC News consultant, Richard Clarke. "Mr. Bush better be prepared to get ahead of the onslaught of primary cold symptoms, or he’ll be staring down a Katrina-like debacle when these people decide to unleash the kind of discomfort they have promised.”

Administration officials say unofficially that they are “fully prepared to take on” any perceived ability by Iran to foist the kind of itching and swelling on the west.

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