Friday, February 03, 2006

Diorama Doll Calls For Calm As Muslims Riot Over Cartoon Attack

22-year old GI Joe doll, Rich Polymer, is hoping that muslims and non-Muslims will "knock it off." Polymer's capture is perhaps Islamic terrorism's most brilliant accomplishment to date, as many have tried and failed to extricate such hostages from their vacuum-sealed plastic packaging

Denmark--A GI Joe soldier doll, once passed off as an American hostage on Al Jezeera, marked his one-year anniversary from captivity this week, by calling for Muslims and non-Muslims alike to "accessorize and stop threatening to behead cartoonists."

Muslims around the world have been angered recently, with what they consider blasphemous treatment of the prophet Mohammed, by a few European cartoonists.

"We refuse to sit by and become a laughingstock," said one Muslim terror supporter. "I don't care if we have to eviscerate a Barbie doll to make our point."

But not all dioramic play toys agree with such measures. 22 year old, African-American toy soldier doll, Rich Polymer, said that it was "still possible to make peace" despite the polemics in the editorial pages of the Danish press. Polymer was nearly subjected to a ritual beheading--as well as an arcane custom known as "extremital rearrangement," a torture that involves the deliberate and forceful dislocation of the arms and legs from the manufacturer's reinforced ball joints, and randomly reinserted in other sockets. Polymer says he is thankful that he was rescued when the third Cabbage Patch Battalion caught wind of his whereabouts.

"Right now, I could be wearing Little Mermaid fins," he said. "Ariel is three sizes too small, and I can't stand sudden, lycanthropic changes in physiology anyway."

Still, Polymer remains optimistic. "I have a sincere hope that the riots will stop," he said. "I especially hope they can straighten this out before the April introduction of "Veil-less IslamaBarbie."

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