Sunday, February 27, 2005

Peter Jennings Implies He Would Call Dan Rather Collect

Canadian may not understand American monetary system

Jennings (left) has said that he would spend his only
quarter to call Walters (right), and then call Dan (middle)
Canadian appears to understand neither friendship, nor
American monetary values

New York—ABC News anchor, Peter Jennings, has made recent statements that have raised serious questions about either his friendship with embattled CBS anchor, Dan Rather, or his ability to tabulate the basic value of the American coinage.

The Drudge Report quotes from a March 7 issue of The New Yorker, in which Jennings tells reporter Ken Auletta the following:

"If I got in trouble anywhere in the world, and I had twenty-five cents, I would call Barbara"(Barbara Walters). "Then I'd call Dan."

“It’s very interesting, how Barbara Walters’ name comes to the top,” said one ABC insider. “If Peter Jennings were to ever get ‘into trouble,’ as it were, all he would have to do is turn on his network camera and broadcast to the entire planet. And since they’ve taken all the viewers CBS used to have, somebody’d be there to help him in no time at all. All Barbara would do is lisp a lot, and tell Peter how well she knows Jamie Foxx. At least Dan could find a Kinkos and anvil out a Visa to get wherever he would need to go.”

Even those percieved as tax-and-spend liberals have
a hard time reconciling Jennings' statement to the cold,
hard, economic facts. Most contend that Jennings is just a
bad friend.

The other concern is the apparent lack of monetary orientation with regard to American currency. Economists are alarmed by what is being referred to as the “Canadian Gap.”

“Jennings implies first, that a quarter would even get him past the dial tone,” said a top economist. “In most metropolitan areas it’s at least 35 cents, others fifty, and even seventy-five in some places.”

His real concern was how the math doesn’t add up to a Dan Rather phone call.

“Let’s use the matrix provided by Mr. Jennings, and discuss it in an economic vacuum. If, as he implies, the phone call to Ms. Walters is procured by a .25 cent surcharge, the initial currency is thus vacated. In order to effect a ringing land-line in the Rather camp, either funds would have to be acquired by outside intervention, or Jennings would be forced to place a toll call to his friend. The numbers just don’t add up,” he said.

"He's more likely a bad friend than a bad mathematician," said one source.

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