Monday, July 17, 2006

Chirac: Nick Berg Overreacted By Screaming

Claims Zarqawi was acting in self-defense

French President Jaques Chirac is attempting to "recalibrate
the nature of world discourse", by arguing that Nick Berg
(pictured here) was on the offensive when killed.

Paris-- Even as French President, Jaques Chirac, called for restraint on the part of Israel in light of the recent upsurge in Middle-eastern conflicts, the leader also says it "not the first time that Jews have provoked Muslim outrage."

"You can't just sit there, caterwaul, and hyperventilate over a sacred liturgical dialogue, and not be seen as peeing in somebody's church," he said. "Mr. Berg's primary mistake was not trying to reach some form of solidarity with the militants. Instead he just bled out all over Mr. Zarqawi's boot. And just because we can neither understand nor compartmentalize the stigma associated with Semitic arterial spray, doesn't mean there isn't some form of legitimate anger to be felt from it."

Many in the European Union also decry what they call the "FOX-ization" of video feeds like the one that shows Nick berg's beheading at the hands of the now-deceased Al-Queida leader.

"All they show you is the part where he starts gasping through his trachea," said one source. "Now that's all people have to go on when they think about him. No one ever shows you the part where he lunges at Mr. Zarqawi. Nightline didn't even have the stones for it."

Others in the EU believe such a bald, blame-gaming tactic has been employed by the United States, even when dealing with civilian crimes.

"All you ever hear about is Polly Klaas," said one source. "You never hear about the provocative open window and the slumber-party cat calls. Typical imperialist redactions."

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