Friday, December 09, 2005

Media Use Of Quotation Marks At "All Time High"

Say needed to cover statements of "President" who wants to defeat "terrorists"

Washington--Noting the need for "clarifications" with regard to President Bush's "rising" poll numbers, media agencies nationwide admit that written "editorializations" using quotations marks have "risen" substantially.

"When you have a wartime 'President' trying to defeat 'terrorists,' these little things are what can make a difference," said one ABC News insider. "We have taken great pains to clarify ever since Mr. Bush's 're-election.'"

Many observers say the need for more quotation marks will be on the rise, as leading economic indicators show a "positive" trend, and that consumer confidence makes a continued "upward" track.

"As people have 'more' money in their pockets, they have a tendency to be 'happier," said one unnamed source at the New York Times.

The source also noted that quotation marks have the potential to effect great "ameliorative power" in debates that pit the secularists againt those of belief--primarily that of the pledge of allegiance, and the continual battle over its "alleged" violation of the separation clause.

"Literally, the debate could be solved by two little pieces of punctuation," he said. "One Nation under 'God.' Now that's what I call a 'compromise.'"

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