Sunday, December 25, 2005

What Am I Doing For Christmas? I'm Listening To N.I.B., And Fomenting Toothless Wiretap Scandals

By Satan,
Guest Columnist

I just got off the phone with John Murtha. He's disputing the new tithing bill coming out of my administration. Pansy.

Anyway, I'm sure it comes a surprise to you, me celebrating Christmas and all. But it's really not that odd if you think about it.

See, I've got Black Sabbath pegging the needle over in the Ninth Circle. Things are going my way. The DaVinci Code's gonna take that Jesus down a notch just as soon as it hits the theatres. Tom Daschle's getting air time. And now I've got Terri Moran all worried that Bush might be trying to serruptitouly void the media's Contract With Al Qeida. When you see He With The Oblong Visgae starting to get indignant like some hysterical little girl, it's time to look out--his tea-pinky might poke you in the eye.

That wiretap thing was my doing. Before you know it, Al Zarqawi will have guest editorials in the New York Times.

Yep, it's a good Christmas.

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