Sunday, December 25, 2005

What Am I Doing For Christmas? I'm Listening To N.I.B., And Fomenting Toothless Wiretap Scandals

By Satan,
Guest Columnist

I just got off the phone with John Murtha. He's disputing the new tithing bill coming out of my administration. Pansy.

Anyway, I'm sure it comes a surprise to you, me celebrating Christmas and all. But it's really not that odd if you think about it.

See, I've got Black Sabbath pegging the needle over in the Ninth Circle. Things are going my way. The DaVinci Code's gonna take that Jesus down a notch just as soon as it hits the theatres. Tom Daschle's getting air time. And now I've got Terri Moran all worried that Bush might be trying to serruptitouly void the media's Contract With Al Qeida. When you see He With The Oblong Visgae starting to get indignant like some hysterical little girl, it's time to look out--his tea-pinky might poke you in the eye.

That wiretap thing was my doing. Before you know it, Al Zarqawi will have guest editorials in the New York Times.

Yep, it's a good Christmas.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

More Tech Help

Okay, new hard drive. Windows XP Home Edition. Even more RAM.

Yet, my browser will only allow me to save pictures in either .art or .bmp formats.

Anyone have an idea how I can download a .jpeg file as a .jpeg file?

If you know, email me here.


Just downloaded DownLoad Accelerator Plus.

Problem solved. I am now back on line and ready to peel off. . .

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Mike Farrell Threatens Career Comeback In Wake Of Crip Founder's Execution

"Alan Alda's got my back," he says

Farrell: Aint gonna bang
Noth Side with Hollywood

Los Angeles--As Californians breathlessly wait Gov. Arnold Schwarzeneggar's clemency decision on Crips founder Stan "Tookie" Williams, the City of Angels' already tinderbox-quality was upgraded again, in the wake of new career threats by M*A*S*H* star, Mike Farrell.

"I'm putting all you thespian slobs on notice," said Farrell in a televised statement this afternoon. "Tookie goes down, then me an' BJ Honeycutt gonna flash. What it C like at the 4077."

Williams, who founded the violent Crips street gang in 1971, is scheduled to be executed in four days, barring any gubernatorial intervention. The high-profile case has many civil activists worried at not on;y the professional reemergence of Farrel, but that Bianca Jagger could yet again see the light of everyday exposure without the help of Rock Magnate, Bob Geldof.

"The potential for an acting pandemic is real," said one analyst. "Next thing you know, Anson Williams is up for an Emmy. The damage is incalculable. Mr. Schwarzeneggar has the ability to stop this. It's up to him."

Debate continues to swirl around Farrell's claim that M*A*S*H* co-star, Alan Alda, may "have his back."

"We're hoping he's just posturing," said on analyst. "Because the potential for synergy is awful."

Friday, December 09, 2005

Media Use Of Quotation Marks At "All Time High"

Say needed to cover statements of "President" who wants to defeat "terrorists"

Washington--Noting the need for "clarifications" with regard to President Bush's "rising" poll numbers, media agencies nationwide admit that written "editorializations" using quotations marks have "risen" substantially.

"When you have a wartime 'President' trying to defeat 'terrorists,' these little things are what can make a difference," said one ABC News insider. "We have taken great pains to clarify ever since Mr. Bush's 're-election.'"

Many observers say the need for more quotation marks will be on the rise, as leading economic indicators show a "positive" trend, and that consumer confidence makes a continued "upward" track.

"As people have 'more' money in their pockets, they have a tendency to be 'happier," said one unnamed source at the New York Times.

The source also noted that quotation marks have the potential to effect great "ameliorative power" in debates that pit the secularists againt those of belief--primarily that of the pledge of allegiance, and the continual battle over its "alleged" violation of the separation clause.

"Literally, the debate could be solved by two little pieces of punctuation," he said. "One Nation under 'God.' Now that's what I call a 'compromise.'"

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Looking For A New Hard Drive

Just as soon as I can get my hands on a new hard drive, then re-load the pathetic Windows ME operating system, I'll be back. Write now I am blogging from domocilic Siberia on the original ENIAC system.

Until then, go through the archives. You'll discover that some of these stories are actually still relevant. Like the one I'll re-post later.

The Therapist

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