Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Michael Newdow Sues To Keep God In Curse Words

A special, "Trashing our Traditions" reprise from February 22nd.

San Francisco--Standing yet again before the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, atheist Michael Newdow is suing to maintain the presence of God in by-words, flagrant obscenities, and the time-honored vulgar expectoration associated with times when a thumb is smitten amiss with a mallet.

Newdow: Wants to be able
to curse non-existent God
without praying to Him.

Newdow's noteriety stems from his attempt to remove the phrase "under God" from the Pledge of Allegiance, which was upheld by the Circuit, but later rebuffed by the US Supreme Court. He contends that cinema, theatre, and general repartee amongst sentient beings would be greatly diminished without the "conversational option to curse the Deity."

"We have a duty to maintain the old landmarks," he said. "To remove Jesus Christ from the equation of indecorous dialogue, would spell disaster. One indiscriminate ruling by this court, and every decent movie script from time immemorial will collapse of its own weight."

Newdow did not attempt to explain why so many atheists are willing to invoke the Name of God in course speech, but become militantly antagonistic when invoked by others in conciliatory and deferential tones of voice.

The court is expected to hear from Newdow, The American Atheist Association, and the Northern League of Osscillating Tourrette's Fulminators, before rendering even a tentative verdict. Analysts indicate that the odds weigh heavily in Newdow's favor.

"This court realizes the phantom 'wall of seperation' between church and blasphemy is a concoction by religious fanatics." said a legal expert on the matter. "I think we can expect an energetic ruling that may even impute blue language into heretofore pristine territory." An implication that the standard "God's name in vain" rhetoric, along with traditional "Ghetto obscenities" may be retroactively dubbed into movies like Anne of Green Gables, The Parent Trap, and the entire Blue's Clues and Wiggles series.

"Whatever the ruling, it will have far-reaching implications." said Newdow. "But we believe god $#@# is on our side."

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