Monday, September 12, 2005

Nagin Accusing Republicans Of Obstructing Deceased Access To Body Count

Chicago mayor to deploy most of voting constituency to compensate for mortal deficit

Nagin: Demands that all projected dead are counted.

New Orleans—Embattled new Orleans mayor, Ray Nagin, is accusing Republican operatives of suppressing the numbers of dead to embarrass him in light of what now appears to be grossly-inflated projections with regards to the city’s, post-Katrina mortality rate..

“I have no doubts they are hiding those bloated bodies somewhere,” said Nagin. “To obstruct the dead from being counted in an unconscionable crime. This must be stopped, and it must be stopped now.”

The reverend Jesse Jackson, already in the area to decry what is being termed “contractual favoritism,” said he already has feet on the ground to investigate any and all reports of Decedent suppression.

“The dead have been calling in on cell phones all night—all of them claiming to be a part of the 10,000 strong,” he said. “If we find out these dead people’s claims have merit, there’s going to be a payday someday—at the ballot box.”

Chicago mayor, Richard Daley, said he has already issued a municipal order to deploy “as many dead voters as needed,” to bring mayor Nagin’s strong projections into positive territory.

“We’re exhuming them now, even as I speak, “ he said. “And they’re going straight into the maelstrom of Republican thimble-rigging.”

"I wish Sean Penn could get his little hands on the people responsible for this" said Nagin. "Because I'm angry enough to start bilging this city with a red kegger cup all by myself."

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