Monday, September 19, 2005

Nagin To Recieve Rabies Shots Amid Attempts To Repopulate Still-Flooded New Orleans

"I have my finger on the pulse of 1,200 bus drivers" says Mayor

Mayor Nagin (right), argues that reintrocing the New Orleans populace to underwater homes will "stimulate the economy." Vice Admiral Allen (left) says the mayor "most likely has rabies."

New Orleans--Saying he will repopulate the city of New Orleans over the reservations of emergency personnel, mayor Ray Nagin is set to undergo "precautionary" rabies shots on Tuesday.

"This city will be up to full speed by Friday," said Nagin to an assembled press pool. "I don't care if your home is still underwater, get yourselves back there and get that jambalaya cooking."

Nagin says he intends to have "every citizen" back into their homes by the week's end "even if I have to activate that dormant municipal bus fleet."

Nagin denies any preliminary plans to force the unwilling back into their homes, but that "I cannot rule it out, either."

Many say the mayor is jumping at municipal revival a little too soon. Coast Guard Vice Adm. Thad Allen, head of the federal government's hurricane response, said that returning the city’s resident this early on would not only overwhelm the city's existing services, but that the mayor would be subjecting his citizens to unsanitary--even dangerous conditions.

Mayor Nagin often refers to his "ace in the hole" fleet of unused buses, "in case anybody doubts my ability to get my people back into flooded conditions."

"I have recommended that Mayor Nagin retract his mayoral edict, and have precautionary rabies shots," said Allen. 'We haven't seen this kind of public lunacy since Edgar Allen Poe was foaming at the mouth and flinging himself out of public houses."

In response to Allen's comments, Nagin pretended to draw a weapon from a holster, winked at a flickering light post, and said "I'll make you famous." He then assented to the treatment, but noted he would cease the shot series "if and when it comes time to reintroduce the elderly to their submerged wheelchair ramps."

"This city needs a black mayor," said Nagin. "Katrina may have been the tipping point."

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