Thursday, March 10, 2005

Requiem For My Synapses

Mr.Therapist makes an editorial attempt to explain why Site Meter was installed only this morning.

A Completely
Therapeutic Editorial

Paralyzed Cerebellum--Those of you who have followed this blog from its inception(or, those who have insanely endeavored to wade backwards through the chronological quagmire that are my posts) know that I "found my voice" a few feet from the soapbox on which I started.

There is a distinct transition at the end of January, in which I shifted the whole brunt of this thing to satire, and left the word "I" out of most of the posts. At a point not too long from beginning this weird journey, I realized that the only people who cared about what I thought were the friends that I steered to this site (and perhaps they only act like they cared. I don't blame them)

Satirical headlines have popped into my head from time immemorial. I remember the first time I came across The Onion; I immediately understood the meaning of the name, as their material could be appreciated on many levels--like an onion has many layers. It also had me in tears. They posed one problem for me: Their unmitigated love for, and use of--obscenities.

Scott Ott's Scrappleface very skillfully and very regularly fills the void created by what I believe to be exclusionary language. So why do I bother? Because I believe I can do it in a way that parrots neither. Hence, the blog that you see today. I can say I have the Onion’s edge, without their desire for perdition.

Now to some credits before I explain my current travail. The first person to even link this site, I believe, was Walter over at Truth Lies, and Common Sense. It was the first blip on my radar, as far as traffic goes, and if I’m not mistaken, the first blog I ever put on my still diminutive blogroll.

My first real blog friend was Rightwing Sparkle, who has an excellent blog, is a fantastic writer, and occasionally debases herself as well by linking to this site. She encouraged me early on.

The first subterranean shaking with regard to my click traffic was the day that Jeff from Beautiful Atrocities decided to send his readers over into my yard. It was only a couple of months ago, when my clicker was riding at 2,200. He linked me, and I had 1,000 hits in 24 hours. I consider him one of my good blog buddies, and I continually seek his advice, as he knows a thing or two about those hanging around on the corner of Blog and Blogger.

Sondra K. sent a retinue of traffic that shook my foundations as much as Jeff did. She’s a fireball, and a good, witty blogger. I owe her greatly as well, for believing in this blog, and endorsing it the way she has. She has a dragnet that can come up with anything floating around out there.

Ace Of Spades gave me another tidal wave of traffic--thanks again to the seemingly ubiquitous Sondra K. whose recommendation primed the pump for me.

Then, of course there are others who’ve also noticed me out loud on their blogs. IowaHawk has to be a functional schizophrenic, but that’s what makes his blog so worth reading. Basil’s Blog is responsible for much of my everyday traffic, as he links to virtually everything I put out (with my sincere gratitude).

A few of the people over there to the right on my blogroll are those who are new, but I happen to like what they’re doing. The Nose On Your Face is a valiant effort at light-hearted satire, and I wish him well over there. WuzzaDem encourages me with his comments as well and has some really great material. Decision '08 is a blog that should become more focused as its predication draws near.

World Magazine Blog doesn’t know I’m alive, even though I comment on their blog quite a bit. (Either that or they have a theological aversion to my style)

Michelle Malkin should have read me by now (being as my first satirical month consisted of sending her my stories, hoping that relevance would trump her good taste. So far she hasn’t wandered down into the steerage compartment to use anything of mine. I have the hopes that a momentary lapse of judgment will have her actually linking me one day.)

So these people are in aggregate, responsible for the 17,000 hits I’ve had in the last two months. Now, this poses me a problem, which I will introduce with an anecdotal bit of last Tuesday:

I was late for work (big surprise, I was posting my ‘Norwegian Art heist’ story) and, well, to cut right to it, I found myself in a predicament in which Mr. Highway Patrol was pulling me over three feet away from my house for not wearing my seatbelt. Apparently, there is a procedural measure that states that before Mr. Longarm can lambaste me for Scoffing the Law 108 inches from my driveway, he must ask if I have a medical reason for not wearing my seatbelt. He did ask. I responded.

“Yes. Because I am retarded.”

He laughed. The hard truth was, I should have buckled the thing before moving the car—which is why I responded the way I did.

Same goes for the Site Meter now installed at the bottom of this page. I should have done this at the beginning, but I didn’t. Now I feel like the statisticians may not believe the nearly 19,000 clicks I’ve received prior to installing it this morning. If you are one of them, I promise that every click is organically clicked. I do not attempt to put my thumb on the roulette wheel for this. Anyone with a sense of proportion will be able to look at my young statistics and prorate them backwards to algebraically confirm this.

You'll also notice that some of my blog friends have the same caustic approach I was deriding earlier. True enough. My friendship with them transcends the standard I have set for my own site, and they are the ones who will reap big when this things explodes (and it will, just wait and see).

My whole purpose for this is to say that I believe in what I am doing. Despite the lack of editorials, one can still see and hear my own personal beliefs hemorrhaging through these wafer-thin walls of satire. Even if you don’t agree with them, you are all still welcome.

Hate mail is also encouraged.

The Therapist

Who Links Here