Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Doctors: Clinton Suffering From Floor Sores

Deference to age no longer healthy either, say doctors

Washington--Former President Bill Clinton, already encumbered with a rare, post-operative issue that involves the buildup of fluid and scar tissue in his chest cavity, is now suffering from what doctors are calling "floor sores."

Mr. Clinton is still in a recovery state from a quadruple bypass operation.

"When I heard that Mr. Clinton was sleeping on the floor of the 747 he was sharing with the Elder Mr. Bush, I winced a bit," said Dr. Weacin Kuram, a physician with New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Columbia University Medical Center. "I knew the dreaded epidermal attack was coming."

Other doctors say that floor sores are nothing to worry about. Some have even suggested that the floor sore claim is a front to cover a slightly more embarrassing elective procedure--such as a prostate exam or colonoscopy.

"I have a feeling that this is not the first time he's slept on the floor," said an inside source to the hospital. "In fact, when I saw the headlines about all this, I expected a headline that said, Bill Clinton Now Sleeping On Floor Away From Home (laughs)."

Both sides of the medical aisle, however, agree that it is physiologically dangerous for baby-boomers to engage in late-in-life deference to elders--even respect for rules and regulations.

"His politeness is killing him," said a source. "All it takes is one crosswalk, one old lady, and Bammo! Baby boomers start checking out. We've got to find a cure for the selflessness pandemic."

Editor's Note: We here at The Therapist wish Mr. Clinton a safe recovery

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