Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Court Warns Schiavo Against Spiking Terri In End Zone

Anguished husband hid Sharpie in catheter

Pinellas Park, Fla.--The 11th Circuit Court of Appeals, fresh on the heels of rejecting further appeals by the parents of Terri Schiavo, cautioned a giddy Michael Schiavo against "demonstrative behavior indigeonous to unsportsmanlike conduct." The majority opinion displays ample concern:

"This court, while energetically and enthusiastically sucking all hope from a loving biological family, also tempers that glee with grave concern for indecorous acts on the part of Mr. Schiavo, such as the Ickey Shuffle, word-to-your-mother gestures, and the classic spiking of the patient at the time of expiration. Arrogance in victory is anathema to these legal, academic exercises."

Schiavo admits he had hidden a Sharpie marker in an "unclean" place, in the event that he is mobbed by members of the ACLU although he expressed hope that he can "channel this experience into something other than gloating."

"I'd prefer to start the Terri Schiavo Foundation," he said. Schiavo declined to state what the goal's of such a foundation would be, but did indicate that inaugural ceremonies would require those attending to "bring their own lunch."

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