Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Schaivo's Girlfriend Has Narcolepsy Clause Added To Will

Worry-free naps paramount, she says

Jodi Centonze (not pictured) has closed off
all avenues of misunderstanding to her husband,
Michael Schiavo (above), by amending her
living will to include heroic measures during
a narcoleptic relapse

Pinellas Park, Fla.--Jodi Centonze, girlfriend of Michael Schiavo, has amended her own living will to include precautions against being euthanized during a bout of narcolepsy.

"I love Michael dearly, and if/when we are married, I want a clear and lucid stipulation between a 'vegetative state' and 'really, really tired,'" she said. Centonze and Schiavo are wed by common law terms, and have two children together.

Experts agree that clear intentions are important, even in youth.

"There is always the chance that, if all avenues of potential misunderstanding are not addressed that someone could lose their life in a hasty spousal decision." said one expert on legal matters. " Mr. Schiavo is a case in point, as his enthusiasm to dispense obscure Constitutional mandates could override his sense of orientation."

Ms. Centonze also indicates that, should she require long naps with "irretrievably deep overtones," that she can rest assured that her husband is relieved of the "legal onus" to litigate her slumber.

"Really, this about communication," said Centonze. "We have that in this relationship."

Centonze also denied reports she has ordered chemical identification test strips, and been the recipient of a subcutaneous GPS tracking device in her forehead.

"Just tabloid junk," she said while hiding a cell phone in her shoe. "This is a marriage. We are one."

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