Thursday, December 09, 2004

Flying Miss Daisy

Morgan Freeman has managed to get himself grounded from flying this week. This little diatribe will not take Mr. Freeman's flight acumen to task, but one has to wonder. One thing is for sure. Morgan Freeman is the king of breaking down to everyday terms, the confusing, mystifying, and downright mindnumbing morass of aeronautic terms so foreign to the rest of us:

"In every airport they have what you call an approach which is how you're going to get in with step downs - flying technique for lowering altitude."

I know that up until now, I would have thought the act of approaching an airport as a departure. And the whole "stepping down" bit! Whoo hoo! I would have mindlessly flown straight into the tarmac at a 90 degree angle with a latent airbag prayer. Dopey, dopey me. This stupefyingly adept elucidation of the arcane is not to be outdone by this illumination--straight from Mt. Olympus:

"So I'm going into Teterboro and I was at 3,000 feet coming down from an altitude of 21,000 feet. I'm looking at the approach plate, which reads what altitude your plane should be at, and it says I should be at 2,000 feet in the air. So I better get down there and I got down to 2,000 feet."

This is almost painful. he should be writing cookbook retrospectives:

"So there is thing little thing called a frying pan, and this is a thing used for frying things. I was looking at the box for the pancake mix and it said to cook the pancakes on medium. So I'm looking right at the gas control knob (which is a knob that controls the gas inflow) and it was on "high", so I hurried up and turned it down to "medium."

All right. I'm done beating up a great actor, along with the reasons great actors should just shut up when they're not acting. Maybe Barbara Stresiand would take a clu . . . wait, never mind.

What was I thinking?

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