Friday, March 11, 2005

Hillary To Beak-Feed Terri Schiavo

Planning a visit to Operation Rescue HQ

While Terri Schiavo has few friends in the courts,
she has found one in Sen. Clinton, who has "put aside
partisan politics" to ready herself for the strenuous process
of beak-feeding her new friend.

Washington--As the legal obstacles to those wanting to pull Terri Schiavo's feeding tube wither away, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton is stating that she "will personally beak-feed her until another intervention becomes possible."

"I've had an epiphany about life," said the senator. "There's just something--a subtle thing, really, that says a human being that can look around, say words and track objects with their eyes may actually be alive. That is why I will personally feed her if the courts prevail. The courts should not be playing God with a living, breathing human being."

The senator received a round of applause for these remarks by passers-by.

"She's absolutely brilliant!" said one woman. "Until Hillary shined a light on the situation, I was in full support of starving Terri, and sticking it to the pro-lifers. Now I feel like Mrs. Clinton has picked up the pro-life movement and brought it to us."

Mrs. Clinton ascended to Heaven after her brief remarks, although sources indicate that she is planning on touring the headquarters of Operation Rescue shortly after returning on clouds of glory later this afternoon.

Sources close to the senator deny any politcal motives for the standing, beak-feeding postion.

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