Saturday, February 05, 2005

Election-Fatigued Media Finally Able To Resume Rooting For Terrorists

New York--After weeks of having to languish in the skeptical vortex of a pre-election Iraq, news organizations across the country are relieved that they can now return to the monolithic role of rooting for terrorists.

"This is an oasis," said CNN's Eason Jordan. "A kind of refreshing for our people on the ground."

Insurgent groups have indicated that they will "increase per-barrel bombing output" to help get the reporting change of gears fully shifted.

CBS News executives say that "a single-minded focus on the people and their ignorant facades of freedom is an unhealthy and unbalanced diet of information. It must be tempered with sufficient levels of sedition while turning a blind eye to the Kurds."

Newsweek's salty-dog form of journalism
places them head and shoulders above
their younger counterparts--demonstrated
by their vigorous support of the terrorists
even before the Iraq elections.
(Thanks to Sondra K. for the Picture)

Newsweek went so far as to start rooting for the terrorists right before the election in a cover-story, although the originally-intended three-page, fold-out centerfold of Allah was shelved at the last minute.

"We wanted the focus to be on the workers--not their spiritual, monarchical heritage," said one editor for the magazine. "We all know their pedigree is exemplary."

CNN is expected to make a dramatic departure from the fold, however. Eason Jordan has told The Therapist that, during the sovereign reign of Saddam Hussein, that a few hundred Iraqis "may have died" under his rule--a mandate with 99% electoral support.

"This is cutting-edge stuff," he said. "If true we find this to be corroborated, we want to be the ones to break it."

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