Monday, September 24, 2007

Study Shows No American Alive Could Kill Ahmadinejad During Visit

Ahmadinejad: Study shows
Americans "not skilled enough"
to assassinate him.

New York-As Iranian President, Mamhoud Ahmadinejad continues to make waves, a new study shows that, despite the general American contempt for him, that "no American alive" has the skill to take him out at long range with an assassin's bullet.

"We've really gone a long way with the vetting process," said Dr. Ira Shoenberg, of the Center for Statistical Analysis. "And we're almost completely certain that, despite the American penchant and facility with firearms, that literally no one has the skill necessary to place a high-caliber bullet into the Iranian president's temple during a public appearance."

Shoenberg noted that his study has a 3% margin of error, leaving some room for adjustment.

"We won't be so glib as to claim it's conclusive," he said. "But we just don't see any of these rifle-bearing hot-doggers having what it takes to nail him."

As an aside, Shoenberg also noted that "no one has the guts" to kill Ahmendinejad.

"Again, we just don't see it," he said. So in a nutshell, we are proclaiming Ahmedinejad to be "unassassinatable."

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