Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Castro 764th On List To Use Cuba's Only Life-Support Machine

Morphine-intoxicated dictator trying to escape from own tyranny, say insiders

Experts note that the late Argentinian freedom-fighter,
Che Guevara's (right) place at third for use of Cuba's only
life-support machine does not bode well for the dictator's
chances of mechanical longevity.

Havana--Presumably on the back side of mortality in the wake of multiple intestinal surgeries, Cuban leader Fidel Castro, has reportedly learned that while he is in line to use the sovereign nation's only life-support system, that he is officially rendered 764th in line.

"So far the outlook isn't very good" said one unnamed source from inside the notoriously-secretive regime. "Mainly because I've noticed that Che Guevara still sits languishing at number four."

Guevara died in October of 1967.

Other sources say the Cuban dictator has been 'repeatedly and unsuccessfully trying to escape the grip of his own tyranny" while under the influence of Oxycontin--a morphine based painkiller.

"It's just sad," said Castro' brother, Raul. "I mean to see the bravado of the 1959 revolution reduced to these episodes is really kind of depressing."

Sources say that while the brothers have had tentative relations over the years, that Raul is "deeply affected" by the sight of his older sibling attempting to strap moldy two-by-fours to the top of a rusted out 68 Buick and push it into the bay.

"It's got to hurt," said once source. "We're thinking of putting him in Guantanamo Bay, just to make sure he isn't harmed."

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