Monday, December 04, 2006

If You Understood Why We Need Self-Detonating Vests For Air Travel, You Wouldn't Be So Scared

Not written by Ibrahim Hooper,
CAIR Spokesperson

It is my primary comission to ameliorate the ignorance of the general populace, and mind you, it is not an easy task to try and pry the American obsession with staying alive from the rigid fingers of familiarity. I'm telling you right now, trying to get infidels to succumb to the sword of Allah is a monumental task. We must keep working. Waiting for an influx of suicidal Jews is a utopian dream. Get over it, Hadji. They're not going to choke on their Neiman -Marcus gift certificates without a coercive shove from the mosques of helpfulness.

One of our long-term goals is to reassure in the mind of the American electorate the true, beneficial aspects of manadatory Sharia Law. Sure, public nativity scenes will be enhanced with wise men bearing gold, Frankinscence and C-4 plastic explosive. And we also admit the uncomfortable transitions required for infidel males who must hand over their wives and daughters for recompential conquest by our swarthy mutterers. But change is always uncomfortable at first. You'll look back at it in a few years, laugh, and recite the five pillars at gunpoint.

And remember. Rosie O'Donnel's going to have to don a burka to obfuscate that adipose-addled pie-hole of hers, too. I think we have the momentum.

The Koran says that we must--must--be afforded prayer vests with lost of colorful wires and inexplicable bulges for all five of our daily prayer times. To allow anything less merely illustrates the abject, myopic hysteria under which we are yoked. Despite how we are treated, we as Muslims will forge ahead to prove that we will love our enemies. And by love, we mean spinning a pen-knife into the carotoid arteries of infidel children. We owe no less to ours.

Lastly. If you've lost Minnesota, you've lost the country.

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