Democrats Now Asking Jeeves For Core Beliefs
Washington--As the 2006 midterm stakes continue to heat up, senior Democrats have admitted that many of their core platform planks may come from the Internet.
"We cannot simply employ the antiquated techniques of our predecessors without at least being willing to forge new ideas," said DNC Chairman, Howard Dean. "Though I have to admit the idea to potentially no longer rely on human ideas came from a phone call I received from former Vice President Al Gore."
The idea is a simple one at its roots. Democrats hoping to strike a public balancing act between sedition and faux patriotism are simply utilizing two of the biggest search engines, Google, and/or Jeeves, the fictitious online butler that promises answers to all conundrums clearly expressed in the search field.
"The idea is, is that these search engines can dredge the creativity of some of the greatest unknown agitators the world may never know," said Dean. "And we need that kind of creativity en masse. The Internet may be the very thing that ultimately brings this country down. I am hopeful."
Senator Nacy Pelosi is rumored to have already asked about "what ballot box stereotypes make black people go nuts on election eve," while Dick Durbin is said to have amassed an impressive list of Third Reich/Gulag metaphors with which to staple to the US military in the event that Mr. Bush's poll numbers start to climb.
"The best part is that all of this come with little or no overhead cost to the DNC," said Dean.