Friday, July 28, 2006

Alec Baldwin Reportedly Stoning Henry Hyde Dolls For "Therapeutic Recovery"

Marginally talented actor still "reacting negatively" to Hannity & Colmes promos, say docs

Baldwin: Effigal treatment going well

Los Angeles--Even as the outside world continues to spin out of control, the world inside the head of actor Alec Baldwin is no less tumultuous.

Baldwin is said by some to be undergoing psychological evaluation at the behest of a court order related to his divorce and custody battles with actress Kim Basinger.

"She's a no-talent hack" screamed Baldwin into the face of a Mickey Rourke diorama doll. "And so are you--trampoline face!"

Baldwin's acid tongued assaults on various adversaries, both political as well as romantic, are not reserved to 1/125th scale reproductions, although he is said to have a "therapeutic justice room," in which those close to the actor say he has amassed "a considerable and impressive lot" of Henry Hyde family members, all of which he stones to death in a sort of effigal impeachment retrospective. But the worst of his invective he saves for conservative radio talk show host, Sean Hannity.

"You're a no talent hack! You no talent construction worker from New Jersey. No talent! No Talent--and you're a hack!"

Baldwin recently debated Hannity on Brian Whitman's WABC radio show during an interview, in which Hannity called in to debate some of his more colorful remarks about the war. Baldwin, bearing the upper hand of actual studio presence and a sub-standard phone connection with Hannity, is widely thought to to have won the debate by walking out of the studio, leaving his trebly-nemesis hanging on the phone.

"No Talent! No Talent!" yelled Baldwin, walking out. Many friends do assert, however, that Baldwin's therapeutic needs were elevated that same day, as the actor made an unwitting, post-debate lunch stop to Ruth's Criss steak house.

"A man this polemically charged must bear this cross," said one friend. "He can handle it. He and his dolls."

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