Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Andrea Yates Apparently Able To Comprehend "Not Going To Prison"

Weeping defendant not expected to drown self in sudden relapse

A visibly moved Yates coincidentally
weeps at her acquittal. Lawyers for the
defendant deny reports she knows she's not going
to do time for drowning her five children, and that
their congratulatory gestures were "pure tradition"

Houston--A jury charged with retrying a woman charged with the drowning deaths of all five of her children wept today, as she was found not guilty by reason of insanity.

Andrea Yates, deemed to have killed 6-month-old Mary, 2-year-old Luke, 3-year-old Paul, 5-year-old John and 7-year-old Noah — by drowning them in the bathtub of their Houston home in June 2001, had her original 2002 conviction overturned on appeal because of erroneous testimony. The completely disconnected Yates seemed to visibly understand the implicit language of the acquittal to mean, "You're not getting into trouble."

Yates' lawyers dispute the interpretation to mean "You're not going to prison," and that Yates' sudden ejaculation of weeping was "purely coincidental."

"She has no idea that she's going to a mental hospital with regular reviews as to her ultimate societal viability," said one member of her legal staff.

Some even expressed the potential for Yates to launch into a relapse, and attempt to drown herself. Ex-Husband, Rusty Yates, however says the worries are unfounded.

"She just fell victim to the disease," said a supportive Yates, who divorced his wife as soon as she drowned all five of their children. "This is a tremendous victory for women's reproductive ri----I mean for women overwrought by post-partum blues."

Yates is expected to address the National Organization for Women sometime during the 2008 presidential cycle, raising awareness for advances made in prenatal drowning.

"That is, if she ever comes out of her inability to comprehend what's happened to her," said one NOW representative. "We can only hope she can pay it forward, as we like to say."

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