Monday, March 20, 2006

White House Leery Of Criticism From Drug-Abusing, Hooker-Hiring, Woman-Beating Actor

"He is the swift-boats to the tenth power," say Bush advisors

Sheen: Could his propensity to beat women, solicit prostitutes,
and sniff lots of cocaine be the nuclear undoing of the Bush Administration?

Washington--Already shaken by low approval ratings, sources inside Washington say that public skepsism of the 9/11 attacks from "Spin City" actor, Charlie Sheen, could be the "nail in the coffin we've always feared."

Sheen, the star of the currently-running Two-And-A-Half Men, contends that the implosion of the twin towers on September 11th Looked like an "inside job". Sources inside the White House say that they have been "moderately successful" in deflecting seemingly baseless charges from those not besotted with relentless cocaine addiction, adultery, and the propensity to hire hookers with abandon.

"Those days are now over," said one source. "We are now facing our arch-nemesis right in the face."

While many believe that the actor's ability to be critical of the President in war time would be hindered by charges of woman-beating in the not-so distant past, others contend this is the kind of "credibility fuel injection" needed to head off Bush's "tsar-like" leadership.

Sheen's impressive resume of duplicitous behavior doesn't stop there.

"If it becomes common knowledge that Mr. Sheen, despite being married to the visually stunning Denise Richards, solicited a steady array of hookers from Hollywood madam, Heidi Fleiss, we may as well write off the mid-term elections now," said one source.

"This could be the end," they said. "We hope Mr. Sheen is unable to tap his full potential, because it is enormous."

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