Friday, April 08, 2005

Lack Of Blood Relation Casts Dark Cloud Over Charles/Camilla Wedding

Many believe that an outside fertility longshot could accidentally purify the royal bloodline with non-tertiary DNA. Analysts believe this scenario to be "remote, but chilling."

London--Buckingham Palace is not commenting on what many refer to as the "genetic elephant in the living room" in light of the impending marriage of prince Charles to his long-time lover, Camilla Parker Bowles.

"To depart from the swishy, inbred traditions of the aristocracy is an abomination," said one long time observer. "even though Ms. Bowles' biological clock is most likely sprung, there remains the outside--albeit aberrant--chance that the royal bloodline could be subjected to a diluting presence."

Geneticists are concerned that any potential progeny may display physiological characteristics so common to those borne of disparate blood lines, such as symmetrical features, substantial and improvable muscle tone, not to mention the coveted self-perpetuating immune system indigenous to commoners.

"This does not bode well for royalty," said one expert. "Next thing you know, we're going to have precocious princes stepping outside the complex world of skeet shooting."

Others believe that royal offspring with a normal, balanced ambulatory gait could raise their net worth in the eyes of an ever-critical public.

"One thing we do know, is that diluted inbreeding amongst the aristocracy will force the Daily Mirror and Page Six to set their creative sights on something other than "Mongoloid Harry Thinks Swastika Costume Most Swell,'" said one photojournalist. "I say, give the boys at least a few, fundamental synapses, let them step outside the fox-hunts, and maybe even become attracted to girls. We need some new challenges in this business."

Charles and Camilla have yet to iron out plans for a wedding less than 24 hours away--a scenario only further complicated by the death of Pope John Paul II, and the resultant funeral that has stopped the world in its tracks.

"First the Pope dies," said one observer. "Now the world faces the low-odds spectre of royal offspring with 20/20 vision and the ability to physiologically ward off common viruses. What is this world coming to?"

Who Links Here