Sunday, March 20, 2005

Peter Jennings To Leave Mt. Olympus Yet Again

To wrap self in human flesh, explain Schiavo flap to mortals

Jennings in his First Estate (left center), and
a form more palatable to mortals (right). The ABC
News anchor will yet again try to save the ignorant
from their own tendency to parse human life

Washington--ABC News anchor, Peter Jennings, is voluntarily leaving his first estate, and becoming a unique hybrid of god and mortal Monday, when he will again attempt to distill the complex and multi-tiered labyrinth of "life-support" to the masses.

“This is a profound sacrifice on Peter’s part,” said friend and colleague, Bill Moyers. “Any elucidation of the mystical to those ‘out of the know’ is the greatest exercise of magnanimity a deity can extend.”

Erstwhile pro life constituents are thankful. “We had no idea that the veil between life and death was so thick and complex,” said one. “We needed Peter Jennings’ slight sneer, and terse outcues in his nightly broadcast to flag those differences. We can honestly say that we now stand firm in the ‘keep the tube removed’ camp.”

Others believe that, if Terri Schiavo were to ingest a healthy dose of Jennings’ wisdom and a repeat of John Edwards’ ‘Christopher Reeve’ stem-cell sermon, that she would either recover fully, or slip away into eternity to avoid confounding the ABC viewing audience.”

Jennings is expected to transfigure Monday Morning, and maintain hid god/man configuration “until his time is at hand.”

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