With Allah's Help, I'll Also Exonerate Uday And Kusay
By, Osama Bin Laden
Some of you stand in stark amazement at my impeccably-timed audio tape that exculpates that wannabe nitwith Zecharias Moussaui from any involvement in the Sept. 11th attacks. Well you should. I've just spared the death penalty, infidels. You Americans think you can control the all-seeing hand of Allah, along with the long arm of his eyes.
I'm not ready to let that megalomaniac Huusein off the hook as of yet, but I'm about ready to snap. And when I do that, there's gonna be hell to pay for anyone that tried to testify about Uday and Kusay's fascination with starving wildcats and the coincidental apprehension of one's own sexual rivals. Ditto for the textile shredder.
You people either knock off your Zionist alliances, or the brothers grimm go back out on the street. Got it?
I need to go shave my back. I'm going to see the DaVinci Code, and I need to be prepared for a stiff goosing from the American press corps. I've spent time in Turkish prisons, so I know what to do if Dan Rather runs up on me with a Peter Graves pickup line.