Saturday, October 15, 2005

Iraq’s Constitution Provides Long Overdue Men’s Rights

Baghdad—As the Iraqi people vote on an historic, first-ever constitutional document, social analysts are hailing the ascension above the “glass floor,” by men, provided by the document.

“What you are witnessing is unprecedented,” said one analyst. “Clearly a time which will be called ‘The Year Of The Man.”

“A man can now enter his home, his workplace, his social circle with his head held high,” said one unnamed men’s advocate. “It’s time for the women to release their stranglehold over Islamic males. And it looks like the men are stepping up to the plate on this one.”

Documentarians compare Iraq’s Constitution to the American model, not so much in language, but for the precise hallmark of clarity:

  • لضرائب لتزويد الله بالماكنة التي تصحّح الزلازل المهدّفة بشكل سيئ. (Taxes to provide Allah with machine that corrects badly-aimed earthquakes)

  • الرجال يستطيعون تشويه النساء بدون خوف يحكم عليه (Men will finally have the constitutional right to disfigure women without fear of litigation)

  • الرجال يستطيعون تشويف أرساغهم / عظام كاحل بالحرّية (Men can show their wrists/ankles with impunity )

  • الرجال يستطيعون قيادة السيارات (Men can drive cars)

  • كلّ الأصوات من قبل الرجال ستحسب (All votes by men will be counted)

  • لا حظر تجول للرجال (No curfew for men)

“Most notable amongst these rights, is what is being called the ‘default clause,’” said one noted Constitutional expert. “All rights not specifically enumerated to women, shall be reserved to the men themselves. Now that’s powerful.”

Men are expected to celebrate throughout the month, with symbolic demonstrations and repeated, adulterous conquests.

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