Wednesday, August 03, 2005

UNICEF To Cater Air America Anniversary Bash

Zero-sum food transfer to deprive only AIDS ridden African children

New York—Noting the internal financial struggles within a fledgling corporation, UNICEF has announced that they will be providing—pro bono—all required foodstuffs for the radio network known as Air America, for their upcoming anniversary bash.

"We are only sorry in the respect that we fall second to the Gloria Wise Boys & Girls Club " said one representative for UNICEF. "It is our sincere pleasure to provide life-nourishment to two of the greatest philosophically-comical minds of the century—Janeane Garofalo and Al Franken."

Franken noted that he was "unaware" of the catering service, and that he intended to "steal the food from Negro children personally."

"I refuse to activate surrogates to do what I can do myself," he said. "Did I ever tell you the joke about the break-away burka we had on the USO tour? Man that got a laugh."

Franken then held his mouth open like Fozzie Bear, waiting for the humorous depth of his screed to finally sink in to the laity. It appeared glided over the heads of those present, and obvious sign of intellectual mismatching.

"That Bill O'Reilly doesn’t understand satire," he said. "And you can't sue me because you don't get it."

Franken then motioned for a rim-shot and canned applause.

"As for this charity/black kid/embezzlement thing, I think it's all a ginned-up rant by Rush Limbaugh . . . that really fat Rush Limbaugh," laughed Franken. "He's a big fat idiot. Besides, we're going to pay back the money we didn't know about when we can get it from some other source we haven't yet learned of."

Franken did note that the unbeknownst food transfer was specifically targeting those with AIDS--and thus consigned to an impending mortal fate anyway. The comedian's razor wit taking the whole subject to the edge.

"Hey Hadji, I'll trade this thermometer for that sandwich," joked Franken. "Hellooo! It's satire, you fever-dreaming anorexic!"

Franken's extemporaneous tirade caused many to laugh uncomfortably.

"Nobody gets humor anymore," he said.

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