Monday, November 07, 2005

Chirac Turns Up Heat By Banning Rioters From French Airspace

Declares Louvre a "hate free zone"

French president, Jacques Chirac, addresses the people of France.
Chirac attempted to reassure the French people that he was prepared
to "not take much more rioting."

Paris—As Muslim rioters continue to expand into a 13th day of destruction, French President Jacques Chirac dealt a crippling blow to the insurgency by banning all destructive forces from utilizing French air space.

"I am not going to sit by and allow these thugs to eventually learn to fly aircraft in a few years, and then use those planes to annihilate the Parisian way of life,” said Chirac in a televised speech. “I have my administrative aide here with the curfew football codes as well. I will use them if pushed.”

Chirac was also conspicuously adorned in a headscarf indigeonous to Muslim women.

Chirac also said that anyone thinking of torching the priceless works in the Louvre had “a surprise awaiting them.”

“I’ve declared an institution of national pride off limits to hate,” he said. “I have tapped into our reserves of oleoresin capsicum pepper-spray, and we will defend it.”

Critics say that executive orders restricting airspace will only anger Muslims with completed flight training.

“Aeronautical elitism will only be used as a recruitment tool,” said one administration critic. “If I were Chirac right now, I’d be doing more than donning that headscarf. I'd also be inking up the armistice pen, because surrender is our only chance of victory.”

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