Thursday, March 17, 2005

Dems Support Drilling For Stem Cells In Protected Uterine Wilderness

Hoping to increase processing of "Stem Cell Ore"

Stem Cell Ore: Scientists as well as
Democrats are optimistic that a legislative
mandate will allow for an increase in the
seperation of stem cells from their unwieldy,
sometimes contentious source.

Washington--Senate Democrats today came out in full support of measures meant to open up public stem-cell drilling in the federally-protected, "uterine wilderness."

Sources cite "an unprecedented dearth' in independent and private stem cell harvests from stem-cell ore, and indicate that the government may have to tap in to emergency uterine reserves.

"We have, for too long, been dependent upon elective evacuation procedures for the provision of much needed stem cells," said Senator Barbara Boxer (D-Ca.). "Desperate times require desperate measures, and now is the time to undertake compulsory harvesting in the vast, uterine wasteland."

Supporters of the measure say that opponents have "deliberately misrepresented" pictures of the uterine preserve--and primarily the controversial "stem-cell ore"--with misleading pictures of vivisected cats.

"This is an absolute outrage," said Boxer. "To make an implicit claim that we would ever dispatch an intelligent, sentient life form with a heartbeat in the name of research is bordering on slander."

Blatant Misrepresentation:
Opponents of stem cell harvesting have tried to poison the debate
with subtle, photgraphic ruses, such as this one. Supporters claim
they would "never harm a cat" during an abortion procedure.
(cat's eyes obscured to protect the family)

Opponents claim that politicians like the Senator, are merely in this fight to "augment the already alarming harvest numbers," and pad the back pockets of their friends in Big Fetus--which is far from a cottage industry. Supporters claim such dialogue is a scare tactic--and little else.

"We all know their ulterior motives, and that is to save children," said Sen. Boxer, "But we will expose them for what they are--they can't hide behind the embryo forever."

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