Failed Stadium Bombing Avails Oklahoma Islamist To Upper Halves Of 72 Virgins"He really goofed up," says Allah.
Joel Hinrichs: Total failure to Allah.
Oklahoma--As the media grapples with differing accounts of Oklahoma Student Joel Henry Hinrichs III actual intent in his apparent suicide bombing, sources say that he has "been availed to only" the detatched, upper torso's of the stock 72 virgins in Islamic paradise.
"He's really, disappointed," said one close confidant. "He'd have gotten the whole shebang had he not preemptively tripped the detonation wire outside that stadium. Otherwise, he’d have all of our women too. And they'd be alive, too. But that kind of a kill is rare, and the rewards--like living, full-bodied virgins--is a part of the eternal payoff."
Allah himself was quoted as saying, "I can't believe he gaffed this."
Still, skeptics doubt that any Islamic connection exists in the Oklahoma City incident.
"Look, to take an American kid with a dubious beard, factor in the fact that he attended the same mosque as Zecharias Moussaui, and link it to the backpack full of explosives is the sorriest from of extrapolation I have ever seen," said DNC Chairman Howard Dean. "Any kid walking around here is liable to have triacetone triperoxide in his backpack. We are rushing to judgment."
Triacetone triperoxide is the chemical compound indigenous to many explosive devices deployed by Hamas and the PLO, and is hard to acquire.
Islamists around the world are taking note of the recent spate of failures amongst suicide bombers, particularly that of the most recent attempts in London earlier this year, as well as the first attempt on American soil since the attacks of 9/11.
“We’ve had a bad run,” said one unnamed Islamist. “But Allah knows what he’s doing. Every pointless explosion has a point.”